Why development doesn’t come from opinions, but from honest reflection, communication, and collaboration.
A Day on the Pitch – and the Same Old Conversations
It’s a sunny day in southern Germany. I’m standing, as I often do, on the sidelines of a football pitch. Youth match, ambitious level, engaged spectators, tense atmosphere. As a player advisor, I’m regularly on-site. I don’t just watch the game, I listen. I talk to players, parents, coaches. And every time, I encounter the same patterns.
After the game, the conversations start. A player is disappointed because he didn’t play, or only played briefly. A father comes to me, looking for answers. The mother looks at me and asks, “What else should he do?”
Then I hear things like:
- “I don’t get it—even my teammates said I should have played.”
- “My dad says I was the best in training.”
- “The coach just doesn’t see it.”
- “That’s not fair—you can’t explain that.”
I understand the disappointment. But it’s exactly at this moment that a decision is made: Will the player remain stuck in judging others, or will he reflect honestly on his own role?
Because development doesn’t start with applause, but with honesty. And it only succeeds when everyone involved is willing to take responsibility.
Honestly Assessing One’s Role – Instead of Fooling Oneself
Many players rely on feedback from their surroundings, parents, teammates, agents, social media. But this is rarely objective.
And agents carry responsibility too:
When an agent constantly tells a player he’s “due” or “clearly better than the others,” it creates a distorted self-image. It may feel good in the moment, but it can massively block development. Not every push is helpful.
Questions for self-reflection:
- How was my training week? Was I focused, consistent, resilient?
- Did I implement what was tactically required of me?
- How was my body language, communication, team behavior?
- Were there other things on my mind, an upcoming exam, relationship stress, family tensions, or personal pressure?
This too is part of reflection. Sometimes external circumstances influence our behavior without us realizing it. Recognizing this allows us to respond consciously, seek help, or communicate more clearly.
Only those who are honest with themselves can learn and grow. And those who truly want to grow need honest guides—not just people who validate them.
Parents – Mirrors Instead of Shields
Parents want to protect their children. But when they take sides instead of offering reflection, they take away the player’s chance for genuine development.
Instead of:
“You’re better than the one who played.”
Better would be:
- “How did you feel this week?”
- “What went well—and where did you feel uncertain?”
Parents who create space for reflection, instead of pointing fingers, foster strength, not dependence.
Coaches – Clear Communication Instead of Silent Decisions
Coaches make decisions that are often hard to understand, for players who didn’t play, and their parents.
Those who play rarely question things.
They feel validated, get game time, recognition, attention. But those on the bench seek answers—and often don’t get them. Or only in passing.
And it’s exactly this group that most urgently needs communication: Those who are fighting, wanting to grow, but don’t know where they stand.
Good coaches are transparent. They speak not only with those who play, but especially with those who don’t (yet).
Because: A coach is only as good as his “weakest link.”
If you only focus on your top performers, you miss the greatest development potential.
Those who are currently struggling, falling behind, or lacking confidence must be moved to the front, not the fringes. That’s where a team’s depth, stability, and real strength is formed.
Players must also learn to communicate and ask questions:
- “What was the deciding factor?”
- “What can I work on specifically?”
- “What am I still missing to be considered for the starting eleven?”
These questions show: I want to understand, I want to grow, I take responsibility.
This builds trust, even without game time.
Because those who learn to speak up respectfully are heard, and develop not just on the pitch, but as people.
“Communication isn’t a talent, it’s a skill to be trained.”
And this is where parents, agents, and coaches can help, not by speaking for the player, but by encouraging them to speak for themselves.
Feedback Isn’t a Bonus – It’s the Foundation
Development needs direction.
Regular, structured feedback conversations are the key:
- Every 4–6 weeks
- With strengths, areas for growth, and specific next steps
- Documented and clear
This allows players to know where they stand, and what they’re working on. Parents can support purposefully instead of guessing.
Agents – Career Companions or Illusion Builders?
We as agents also bear responsibility.
Those who only push and demand playing time weaken long-term growth.
Those who constantly say “you’re up next” without honest analysis feed false expectations.
A strong agent:
- Gives honest feedback
- Focuses on development potential, not just market value
- Addresses uncomfortable truths
- Supports real dialogue with coaches, not behind their backs
Agents can do harm if they push one-sidedly, create pressure, or stir up expectations that aren’t yet justified.
True support means: Holding up a mirror, not fueling a fantasy.
Changing Perspectives – So That Development Stays Child-Friendly
Especially in youth football, perspective is everything. Too often, parents or coaches want more than the child does.
They talk about pro careers, scouting programs, academies, when all the child wants is to play, have fun, and feel included.
Development starts with the child, not with the expectations of adults.
Coaches should ask: “Am I the coach I would have wanted as a kid?”
Parents should honestly reflect: “Does my child really want this—or do I want it for them?”
And one thing is essential: The path to becoming a professional is long, tough, full of setbacks, and never guaranteed. Those who succeed need inner motivation, not parental ambition.
A change in perspective helps everyone involved:
- Focus on what really matters
- Reduce pressure
- Keep real joy and motivation alive
Because: Without passion, there’s no perseverance. And without perseverance, there’s no progress.
Clubs & Agents – Fostering Development Together
Clubs and agents must not be opponents.
They must work together to support young players in their development.
That means:
- Regular check-ins with players
- Regular check-ins with agents
- Transparent communication about progress and perspective
- Feedback processes that involve all parties
- Clear agreements on shared goals
Unfortunately, the reality often looks different: Agents are left out, even though they’ve supported the player for years, emotionally and mentally, and know them deeply off the field.
But this isn’t about interfering in tactical or coaching decisions. It’s about one essential question: How can we strengthen the person behind the player – together?
As an agency, we aim to be present in these conversations, not to control, but to understand where the player stands and how we can help emotionally, practically, and personally, never above the coach.
That’s why we often anchor in contracts with clubs and players that feedback meetings take place with the head coach, sporting director, player, and agent present.
Because: True development is a team effort.
Final Thought: Development Doesn’t Start With Playing Time – But With Attitude
The key question is not:
“Why am I not playing?”
But rather:
“What do I need to be ready?”
Whether player, parent, coach, agent, or club, those who listen, reflect, and take responsibility create real development.
Because:
Those who learn to look in the mirror will one day stand exactly where they belong.