The Role of the Ego
Why can’t they just play like they do in training? All week they look so talented, and then on matchday at the weekend, they look like a different player.
This is a very common situation (if not universal). And in one sense, it makes complete sense, it’s normal, it’s understandable: there’s more pressure on a matchday, it’s different, it means more, more people are watching, it’s the ‘real’ thing.
But how are these young players really responding to all that from a mental and physical perspective? How do we all respond to situations like this in life?
The Ego Mind
Believing what the ego mind is trying to tell us can really ‘mess us up!’
It could be said that the problems in the world are caused by this. People believing (and identifying with) unhelpful beliefs, that are based in fear.
We are all guilty of this at times. This is not a criticism or shaming exercise (that would be the ego mind trying to get involved again) this is just the way we’ve been trained…. from very young.
How often have we re-lived or even imagined arguments that weren’t happening. How much do we focus on ‘what ifs’, where the ‘what if’ is the worst-case (and often very unlikely) scenario? And when these unhelpful thoughts (based on unhelpful beliefs) grab our attention; how long do we stay there, continuing to think about them, when there is no possible solution, making us feel more stressed/anxious/angry etc?
The answer is probably: quite a lot, right? And the more the body feels stressed, the more likely we continue this habit of believing these self-centred and irrational thoughts.
How It Is Affecting Young Players Today
I have been having some ‘mind mastery’ calls with some academy players recently. These include the academies of Leicester City, Peterborough United, and Newcastle United. It seems that in the chaotic and unpredictable world of football that stress levels are turned up to boiling point……and so is the paying attention to unhelpful thinking……which is wrecking performance!
It will be happening at every academy in the country; I’m sure of it. I see it myself at grassroots level with the team that I coach for: LFE FC. The extreme focus on the score, the fear of making mistakes, the wish for it just to be simple and ‘go my way’……and all of this seems to be taken VERY personally. There seems to be an identification with the score. A belief that if we win there is such a relief in not being ‘not enough’ and if we lose, we will become our worst fear: being ‘not enough’.
Criticisms are taken very personally, like a personal attack of self. Self-worth seems to be wrapped up in football performance, which is taken so seriously. Am I going to start talking about not taking it seriously, that it’s not that important, that winning and football isn’t that important….no, I’m not. Whether I believe that or not is academic. But the fear of failure (as it generally does) leads to failure. The lessons of being scared to lose have been learned from others who were scared to lose, because they took it so personally…. the ego mind in action!
We hadn’t learned these lessons when we first started playing football. It didn’t mean that we didn’t want to win, but we weren’t so terrified to lose. We were in the moment, playing for the pure joy of it (which includes the competition). It’s still there sometimes. More likely at training, where the pressure is less. There’s less scrutiny, less attention (both real and imagined). But these days football is generally always supervised, there’s a still a certain level of adult-judgement present.
These days football is always supervised… there’s still a certain level of adult-judgement present.
And what about the world that our young people live in today. Everything is recorded, on-screen. There’s so much self-promotion; an image, of success, that shows to the world that: this person is worthy…. maybe compared to them (this isolated image of them) I am not. Does this promote consistent effort in subtle actions? The type of effort required during a 90-minute football match. Or does it lead to an intense, obsessed focus on achieving that perfect spectacular moment….to show the world that you are worthy?
Paying Attention to the Ego Mind Disallows Flow
It is very difficult for the self-obsessed ego mind (that tries to get all our attention) to be managed in such a world. The ego mind takes things personally, focuses more on the negative, searches for evidence of this, compares to perfectionism, seeks attention. When we pay attention to it (which most of us do most of the time) we are operating from a place of fear, we feel tense in our bodies. It is trying to protect us from being seen to be failing…. which leads to inaction, freezing, lack of focus, a disconnect from the flow of life.
This flow is what we have access to when we’re performing at a high level. When we feel free. When we want to work hard to do the things we love. The consistent disconnection from this does not allow for us to perform at our optimum level, especially when we really feel the pressure; like in a football match.
This flow is what we have access to when we’re performing at a high level. When we feel free.
The Solution
So, what is the solution? What am I teaching these young people during the calls I have with them? Just ignore your thoughts…. or better yet: just don’t think. Just relax. Focus on the now.
That is what they want to happen…at least at the start.
It’s not accessible to us to JUST do that. We’ve had a lifetime’s habit of believing thoughts, thinking that’s who we are, especially the negative and self-sabotaging ones.
To UNLEARN unhelpful habits, we must be able to see what’s going on. To observe the mind and the game it wants us to play. This requires pausing, sitting, doing nothing. The sort of things that feel very alien in the world we live today. When we do this, it is possible for us to see how we continue to get ‘hooked’ by unhelpful thoughts…. again, and again.
It is possible to notice the difference between a practical thought and an unhelpful, self-centred one. It becomes quite easy really. Anytime we feel triggered, take things personally, feel hateful…. that is self-centred mode…. the ego mind.
We start to see (and feel) how it can have less of a hold over us. And, how this doesn’t happen in the way that we thought it would.
Teaching from Embodied Practice
To teach this stuff requires consistent practice myself. To notice and feel when I experience the triggers, the mental wounds, the personal attacks (that aren’t real). They still ‘get me’. At times, quite consistently. This is my practice.
I’m very grateful for the wisdom and guidance of my teacher: Suryacitta.
There are many elements of society today that we may perceive as toxic, unhelpful, and unhealthy. But I am consistently pleasantly surprised (noticing my own expectations there) of how open and receptive these young inner-city kids are to these types of teachings.
For years I’ve been coaching technical skills, tactical knowledge (I’m still fascinated by this), but this type of teaching is not about the acquisition of new skills. It’s about coming back to our natural state. The state of being present. That allows us to display any skills that we’ve acquired. It also allows us to have more space for allowing mistakes, criticisms, and the many other things that are mostly out of our control on and off the pitch.
Some of the calls that I’ve been having with academy players recently have been part of a course that I adapted from Suryacitta’s teachings: Mind Mastery for Football.
But on the advice given from Simon Rogers (The Football Week), I have been discovering the great benefits of individual, bespoke calls with players who are having some issues both on and off the pitch. The type of universal issues mentioned earlier in this article. Meeting them where they’re at, listening to their version of what’s going on for them and trusting intuition to help guide them from that place.
The ego mind can be very destructive if it has too much power. It can’t be destroyed, but we can learn to manage it……we just need to pay more attention to what’s really going on.
