As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our children and to support their potential. However, young athletes, particularly those in a competitive sport like football, can feel overwhelmed by high expectations—whether they come from coaches, peers, or even well-meaning family members. Parents play a crucial role in setting a balanced tone, sending messages that motivate rather than create unnecessary pressure. By focusing on healthy, realistic messages, you help foster your child’s passion for the game and build their resilience.
Focus on the enjoyment of the game
One powerful way to communicate healthy expectations is to focus on the enjoyment of the game rather than solely on winning or achieving specific results. Instead of asking, “Did you score?” or “Did you win?”, try asking questions like, “Did you have fun?” or “What was your favorite part of today’s game?” This small shift redirects your child’s focus from performance outcomes to personal enjoyment and growth, reinforcing that their worth and success are not defined by the score on the board. When children feel that their primary goal is to enjoy and learn, they’re more likely to approach each game and practice with positivity and less pressure.
Recognize progress
Another key aspect of healthy messaging is recognizing progress over perfection. Young athletes benefit enormously when they feel acknowledged for their effort, persistence, and personal improvements rather than just for accomplishments or talent. For example, you might say, “I saw how hard you worked on your defense today—great job!” or “You really pushed yourself, even when it got tough.” Statements like these highlight your child’s growth and dedication, reinforcing a growth mindset and helping them build internal motivation.
As a parent, manage your own emotions
Balanced messages also mean managing your own emotions around their performance. Children often pick up on the nonverbal cues from their parents—the cheers, sighs, or body language during games. By staying calm and encouraging regardless of the game’s outcome, you demonstrate that you value their experience as a whole, not just the final score. This shows your child that winning and losing are both part of the journey, and that they are valued unconditionally.
Managing setbacks
It’s also important to provide reassurance when setbacks happen. Football, like any sport, comes with missed goals, mistakes, and tough losses. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try to help your child see these moments as learning experiences. Saying things like, “Every game teaches us something,” or “What did you learn today?” encourages them to see challenges as part of their development. This kind of messaging fosters resilience, showing them that setbacks are opportunities for growth rather than reasons for self-doubt.
Additionally, be mindful of how your own dreams or aspirations might influence the messages you send. Sometimes, we may unknowingly project our own hopes onto our children, which can create pressure. Regularly reflect on your own expectations to ensure that the messages you share align with their personal goals and interests, rather than an external idea of success. When children feel supported in pursuing their unique path, they experience a greater sense of autonomy and confidence.
Lastly, remember that every positive, balanced message you send contributes to creating a long-term love for the game. When children understand that their efforts, enjoyment, and learning are what truly matter, they build a healthy relationship with the sport that can last a lifetime. By focusing on realistic, supportive communication, you are not only helping them grow as athletes but also as individuals with the resilience, passion, and self-awareness to thrive in all areas of life.
Through thoughtful, positive communication, you’re setting the stage for your child to enjoy football as a source of joy, growth, and lifelong connection.
